


it stops tonight

by toyhouses



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-09 04:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyhouses/pseuds/toyhouses
Summary: four months ago, chanyeol loses his memory and two years of his life are gone.  as he tries to assimilate back into his life, he can't help but feel like something is missing.





	1. Chapter 1

"Uppercut, duck, hook punch, and duck." 

"..."

"Duck!"

Jongin yells at Chanyeol, but it's too late. Jongin's practice glove hits Chanyeol square in the jaw.

"Ow..."

While Jongin pulls his gloves off with his teeth, Minseok runs toward Chanyeol who's flopped over on the ground clutching the side of his face. Minseok, who had been watching from the side lines, gives him a worried look.

"Are you okay?"

Jongin rushes over too, eyes full of apology.

"I'm so sorry hyung, I couldn't stop myself in time..."

Chanyeol shakes his head, both to get his brain to stop ringing and also to disagree with Jongin.

"It's my fault" Chanyeol corrects. "I'm the one who didn't get the steps right and I'm the one who..."

Chanyeol trails off because both Jongin and Minseok now look uncomfortable. Instead, Chanyeol gives Jongin a little smile.

"Get me a water, will you?"

Jongin jogs off to the cooler, while Minseok helps Chanyeol up.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Minseok whispers.

And when Chanyeol leans in a little more heavily than he needs, he can smell the cool, refreshing scent of Minseok - spearmint.

Chanyeol gives Minseok a brave smile and nods. What he doesn't say is that his jaw is throbbing too much to talk.

 

 

Minseok nods, mirroring Chanyeol, but Chanyeol sees the look on Minseok's face. What Chanyeol sees on Minseok's face is the same look that the other guys make when Chanyeol makes a mistake. It's kind of liike a sigh, begrudgingly accepted, with a bit of sadness that he can't help but get annoyed at. But no one can help but accept the situation right now -- no one more than Chanyeol. Because the fact is that Park Chanyeol is training as a new member, but at the same time he isn't just a new trainee like Baekhyun or Jongdae. 'Park Chanyeol' has been here at the EXO Pack for a while now, but the 'Chanyeol' of now just doesn't remember. 

After all, it's been exactly four months since Chanyeol lost his memory.

 

+++

 

When Chanyeol had woken up those four months ago, he had awoken to a crowd of worried faces surrounding him.

There was Junmyeon, a deep crease in the middle of his forehead and a relieved sigh at the opening of Chanyeol's eyes. He had often seen Junmyeon with the same expression on his face, but it had always been directed at their youngest, Sehun.

And standing next to Junmyeon, hanging back just a little, was Sehun himself. Sehun's eyes were bloodshot and rabbit red, telling Chanyeol that he had been crying. It was something Sehun would never admit to, even after Chanyeol was better, but their youngest had always been the one to look the strongest, and actually be the most sensitive.

Of course, Sehun was being comforted by Jongin, their second youngest, but the one responsible for their daily martial art practices. He had a grim face on, but Chanyeol could see the joy in Jongin's eyes at hearing Chanyeol was awake and well.

But next to the three Chanyeol had known since his childhood, there were three others Chanyeol didn't recognize.

Chanyeol hadn't said anything at first, not wanting to seem rude to people who were obviously concerned about Chanyeol's well being. But then Kyungsoo came in the hospital room, listing a long detailed account of Chanyeol's injuries.

"You're not eighteen anymore, you know" Kyungsoo had said, half jokingly.

But Kyungsoo's comment was what had had Chanyeol balking.

"I'm not?!"

 

+++

 

"So you're telling me you don't remember anything after your eighteenth birthday?" 

Chanyeol shakes his head at Kyungsoo.

"What about Jongdae or Baekhyun?"

Chanyeol looks sideways at the two guys standing dejectedly next to Junmyeon. He gives a small shake of his head, but that doesn't keep the two guys from sighing disappointingly.

Junmyeon sighs and claps each of the two guys on the shoulder.

"Well, this" Junmyeon says, clapping a hand on a boy with puppy dog eyes, "is Baekhyun. You two were inseparable when it came to causing trouble."

Chanyeol's eyes widen.

"And this" Junmyeon continues, nodding a head toward the other boy, "is Jongdae. He's...well, he's another one of your best friends too, Chanyeol-ah."

Chanyeol looks at the both of them, then he looks into his hands in his lap. It's an odd sensation. Half of him feels guilty about forgetting, but the other half feels disembodied. How could he have such deep feelings for people he doesn't remember?

And then Jongin speaks.

"You don't even remember -"

But Sehun cuts Jongin off with a weird noise coming from Sehun's throat. It's something half way between a cry and a yelp, which causes Chanyeol to look up worriedly. But Sehun's looking at the door, where another boy has come inside the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Things fall into place easily with Jongdae and Baekhyun. Junmyeon's right. They're like the best friends he's never had and their codes match really well. With Minseok, things are a little more difficult.

 

"Hyung, am I doing this side-kick right? It doesn't feel like I'm connecting."

Minseok looks up from beneath his sweaty bangs, but even so, something about the sight makes Chanyeol think : pure. It's not a thought that normally comes from looking at a sweaty man, but somehow Minseok pulls it off.

Minseok grabs a small hand towel and furiously scrubs at his damp hair. The sight reminds Chanyeol of a small rodent, despite the fact that Minseok is a wolf by all rights. Chanyeol hides his smile but soon intakes a sharp breath when Minseok draws close. There it is again... the sweet and cooling scent of spearmint.

Minseok grabs Chanyeol's hips then, causing Chanyeol to let out something like a yelp. Minseok looks at him oddly, but eventually laughs at Chanyeol's comical expression.

"You're not turning your hips out enough" Minseok says, gently adjusting Chanyeol's stance. "Like this, then kick out with the full length of your leg."

Somehow, after Minseok's guidance, the sidekick feels much more comfortable and feels more powerful on his muscles.

"Thanks hyung. What would I do without you?" Chanyeol says, gratefully.

But the comment makes Minseok stiffen for a split second. It's long enough that Chanyeol notices, but when he blinks, the moment is gone and Minseok is smiling again.

"No problem, Chanyeol."

Minseok waves off the compliment. And maybe it's Chanyeol's imagination but the last smile he sees on Minseok's face before Minseok turns around to go back to his own practice, is somewhat tight lipped. It makes Chanyeol think that something else is going on. He recalls the day he woke up. The way Sehun had been so nervous when Jongin had brought Minseok up. And then there was that conversation with Kyungsoo...

 

+++

 

It's after the first month after his accident that Chanyeol gets things more or less organized in his head. He was a member of the EXO pack. He was an alpha. He still remembered his childhood friends. Jongdae and Baekhyun had joined the pack, albeit a little late. And Minseok had joined when his previous pack had moved to another country. Wolves left their parents' pack when they were of age, but Chanyeol still knew where his parents were. He had one older brother, who was overseas in his own pack.

And that's where Chanyeol's instruction and own memories ended. 

It's also after the first month that Kyungsoo first broaches the subject of Chanyeol's accident.

 

Chanyeol's sitting in the exam room, waiting for his weekly check-up when Kyungsoo enters the room. The beta is a healer in more ways than one. Drawing his powers from the ground, Kyungsoo was fabled to be one of the top healers in all of Korea. When it was announced that Kyungsoo was to first join the EXO Pack, Chanyeol can remember Junmyeon's boasting on Kyungsoo's behalf as if it were yesterday.

But right now, Kyungsoo can't be more intimidating. There's a different look in Kyungsoo's eyes than he has on Chanyeol's usual check ups. And Chanyeol bounces his left leg in anxious anticipation while Kyungsoo settles into his seat, opposite Chanyeol, and folds his hands together with a sigh.

"Is there... anything you remember about that night?"

Chanyeol squeezes his eyes shut. Right off the bat, when he had woken up, he had been told by all the healers, not to try and force the memories. But it would be a lie if Chanyeol had said he hadn't tried to remember at all.

A sigh escapes his lips as he shakes his head.

Kyungsoo sighs too, hiding it with a cough, adjusting the thin wire frames on his head. His eyes focus on somewhere outside the window. A high crag peers over their town just at the edges of the neighborhood. Kyungsoo takes off his glasses and starts speaking, still staring at the mountain.

"Do you remember that story that the elders told on the first day I arrived here?"

Chanyeol looks up at Kyungsoo. The day Kyungsoo had come to the pack, there had been a huge celebration, gathering all the nearby packs to their neck of the woods. Elders from Seoul had come to see Kyungsoo off as well. And, as per tradition, there had been the handing down of wisdom in the form of story telling.

 

+++

 

The crowd calms and the fire light glows on everyone's faces. Chanyeol sees Junmyeon sneaking glances at the new healer. And even Chanyeol's older brother, Kangyeol is smiling fondly at the younger faces around him.

Elder Han raises his hands and even the whispers of the night seem to quiet and only the crackling of the bonfire overlaps with Elder Han's deep, melodic voice.

"It is said that the first of us didn't rely so heavily on scent as we do now."

There are mumbles of disbelief throughout and Chanyeol touches his own nose in wonder. Every memory, every place, every thing had a scent, a smell, and an imprint deep within his mind as an aroma. How could one live without relying on scent?

 

But the Elder raises his hands again with an amused smile and continues as the crowd falls silent.

"Scent, for us, evolved from the first of us by the power of love."

There are faint groans from the younger ones at the sappiness of the statement. Even Chanyeol rolls his eyes and starts to doubt if this story is really true.

"At the beginning of existence, there was just one lone wolf. He was the first alpha and he roamed the land constantly yearning for a pack of his own. He prayed and prayed to the Moon to send him a companion. And one night, the Moon came to him in a dream."

Chanyeol hears Kangyeol chuckling softly behind him, not knowing that Chanyeol has craned forward to hear the Elder's words with rapt attention. 

"'Wolf of my own creation' the Moon says. 'You have served me well and I know what you long for.'

The wolf, in awe of the Moon in his dream, can only gaze upon the glow of the Moon on the ground the Moon stands on.

'Therefore, I will grant you with a companion who will be your other half. Another half that you have yearned for. Another half that you never knew you yearned for. Someone who will grant you the pack you desire to lead.'

The dream fades and the lone wolf looks up at the black night sky. He doesn't know what compels him, but he climbs the highest cliff. Perhaps he does to be closer to the Moon, to beseech the Moon to fulfill her promise. And when he does, he sees a glow as bright as the Moon. But the soft light comes from below and the wolf cranes his neck down the crag to see what is causing the brightness."

Chanyeol holds his breath. What was the brightness? He tears his eyes from the Elder to look around him. All of the older wolves are smiling, knowingly. And Chanyeol hears his older brother sigh in longing, looking far off into the distance.

"Can you guess what it was?" the Elder asks, grinning. 

It's a rhetorical question, but Chanyeol wants to know.

"What was it?" Chanyeol whispers to Junmyeon, sitting next to him.

But Junmyeon shushes him.

"Of course" the Elder says, nodding. "It was his mate, glowing in the distance. And to his Omega, the lone wolf glowed on that cliff before her."

There are sighs of contentment all around and again, Chanyeol sees the longing in his older brother's eyes. Chanyeol wonders if Kangyeol thinks of a special someone.

"And when they met, they took each other into each other's arms, taking in the scent of the other. To the lone wolf, lone no more, the scent was so beautiful and overpowering that it was enough to know that this companion was special to him, as special as the Moon."

Elder Han ends the night with the end of the story. And it's this night, right before Chanyeol falls asleep that he hears of Kangyeol's special someone.

"He's an Omega who lives in Beijing" Kangyeol whispers. "I met him while I went to see my new pack."

Chanyeol's eyelids are heavy. He's had a full day of excitement what with the festivities and the anticipation of turning 19 in a few months time. He's sad that Kangyeol will be leaving the next day. But Chanyeol knows that once you're eighteen, a wolf must find his own pack... and eventually his own mate. For now, it's just like old times, sharing a room and a bed with his older brother.

As Chanyeol's thoughts turn into dreams, his mind meanders to the Elder's story and his older brother's words fade into oblivion as sleep takes over.

"He doesn't know I fancy him" his brother continues, lost in his memories. "But I'm going to propose the moment I get back. I can't wait for you to meet him, Chanyeol-ah."

Chanyeol falls asleep too early to see the sparkle in Kangyeol's eyes.

 

 

######################################################  
넌 아무 일 없던 것처럼 애써 나를 향해 웃어 보여도   
even though you smile at me like nothing happened  
가녀린 새하얀 너의 어깨가 조그맣게 떨려와, I'm telling you  
your slender white shoulders shake slightly, I'm telling you  
잠시만 나의 곁에서 내려놓고 쉬어가도 돼  
you can let things go and rest next to me  
먼동이 트면 저 달이 저무는 그 곳을 따라 그땐 날아가  
when the far sun rises, follow to the place the moon  
disappears to and fly away


	3. Chapter 3

깊어진 하루 틈 사이 너는 조용히 다가와  
in the space between the deepening day, you silently come to me  
어둠을 걷어내고 나의 잠을 깨워  
you uncover the darkness and wake me from my slumber  
그리곤 멀어져 열린 창문 저 너머로  
then, you get farther from me over the open window

또 길을 잃었나, 넌, 넌, 넌.  
again i lose my way, and you, you, you  
밤공기가 아직 차가워 일어나   
the night air is still cold, wake up  
So, baby, hold on 널 혼자 두기가  
So baby hold on, to leave you alone  
난 걱정이 돼 거릴 두고 너의 뒤를 따라가   
is worrying, so i follow a few steps behind you

 

+++

 

There are things that Chanyeol doesn't tell Kyungsoo. Regardless of whether or not Chanyeol tries to forcefully remember, he can't control his dreams.

In his dreams, there aren't figures or even objects that he sees clearly. All he dreams of is a strong scent. There are hints of sweetness, of citrus, and of the woods that Chanyeol used to tromp through as a pup. It's an odd mixture of familiarity and enticement. He feels his heart beating faster, tugging toward the heart of the scent, and at the same time, there's a pang that no amount of sighing will get rid of.

When he wakes up, the scent is gone. Everything about the dream is gone except for the pang in his chest - that stays with him. He clutches at his heart, breathing heavily. Pushing the sheets back, Chanyeol gets up from the bed. The blinds clatter angrily as he pulls the cord and the moon shines through the window.

The night air and the moonlight calm Chanyeol down a bit. His forehead touches the sill as he leans into the pane to breathe in the cool air. The glow of the moon brightens his skin, somehow warming his insides. There's something there. He feels the tug in his brain - a memory.

But just like that, the moonlight fades, morning comes, and the memory is gone.

 

+++

 

Training is all Chanyeol can do these days. Not only is he behind two years of experience, but when he goes into the cafeteria or anywhere that isn't his own room, he feels the stares.

Junmyeon's awkward attempts at "normal" conversation taper off because Chanyeol can't remember anything. Jongin seems to have some kind of cold war going on with him, as he just stares holes into Chanyeol with those soul piercing eyes of his. He seems mad at something, but Chanyeol doesn't have the courage to ask what it is. At least, not yet.

Sehun is the only one that Chanyeol actually wants to talk to. After all, he'd spent most of his childhood caring for the younger boy. But approaching Sehun, all Chanyeol sees is the pity and sadness in Sehun's eyes, even through the younger boy's stoic demeanor.

Kyungsoo's the only one he holds conversations with now, but it's only during his trips to the medical ward. And then, there's Minseok. Minseok who oversees the trainees with martial arts training... Minseok who smells of calming spearmint and helps Chanyeol gently, but not patronizingly. It's only during training that Chanyeol can momentarily forget that he's the freak who lost his memory...the abomination, who can't even remember how he did so in the first place.

 

+++

 

However, it is true that no man can be an island. And soon, Chanyeol finds himself craving normality, craving the touch of another. He seeks Baekhyun and Jongdae out on his own. They had been giving him some space, but now, Chanyeol joins them at the cafeteria for meals. He jokes about his mistakes during practice and teases Jongdae about his new hair style. 

Jongdae pouts, "Minseok hyung said it suited me!"

Baekhyun laughs, "He said you smell like roses too, huh?" Baekhyun mimes waving a nasty smell from his nose. "You say you're a beta, but you smell like peppers!"

Jongdae blushes at the mention of his being a beta. 

"It's not my fault!" Jongdae shouts, embarrassed. "I was helping Kyungsoo hyung organize his experiments!"

"Speaking of Kyungsoo hyung..."

Baekhyun makes a hilarious impression of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol laughs along with the rest of them. And in the midst of the comforting camaraderie, Chanyeol supposes there's not too much of a difference between eighteen and twenty after all.

 

Junmyeon's awkwardness becomes more bearable after more of Baekhyun's impressions and even Kyungsoo's consultations are something to look forward to, as Chanyeol brags about his own progress of assimilating.

Next, he asks Jongin and Sehun to play video games and they do so all night long. And even though Jongin doesn't say much, Chanyeol relaxes as they fall into a familiar kind of silence while Sehun chatters on about his day and how he'd discovered a new scent lurking around his locker room.

"I think I have a secret admirer" Sehun says boastingly.

And both Chanyeol and Jongin throw cushions at him.

 

Things fall into a kind of normalcy.. the kind that Chanyeol had been craving. But two things remain true. One, his memories still don't come back. And two, he can't shake the feeling that something is missing.

 

"Chanyeol-ah, you missed a whole step in the formation."

Chanyeol's head jerks up as his eyes focus on Minseok's. The rest of the class is crowded around the water fountain for the break and Minseok is looking at Chanyeol, worried.

"Sorry hyung. I didn't mean to space out."

Minseok's spearmint scent creeps up his nose again. Though their society frowns on asking about the status of their being, it is obvious to Chanyeol that Minseok is an omega. As an alpha, Chanyeol knows hones in Minseok's omega scent more particularly. Minseok's scent makes his head kind of cloudy and Chanyeol wonders if Minseok's spearmint is affecting other alphas as much as it's affecting him.

"Chanyeol-ah?" Minseok waves his small hand in front of Chanyeol's face. "Hello? Earth to Chanyeol..."

"Oh... was I...?"

"Yeah... you were doing it again" Minseok laughs, patting a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder.

Chanyeol jumps, but Minseok smiles again.

"Don't worry, Chanyeol" Minseok says. "Take it slow. Don't work yourself too hard. You have dark circles, you know."

Chanyeol reaches up to touch the skin below his eyes. He had been waking up from his dreams and staring at the moonlight, willing himself to remember... just remember. He bows his head and stares at his feet.

Minseok draws nearer and, though Chanyeol can't see Minseok's face, Chanyeol knows that there's worry etched in Minseok's eyes. Minseok doesn't say anything, but instead walks away a short distance. In that short moment, Chanyeol almost misses Minseok's hand on his shoulder.

"Alright, class is dismissed early today!" Minseok announces to the trainees.

There are sounds of cheering and thank you's from the rest of the trainees, causing Minseok to laugh good-naturedly.

"Just don't tell Junmyeon!" Minseok calls after them. "Don't want our pack leader-to-be to demote me."

Chanyeol's eyes grow big.

"Junmyeon hyung is the next leader?!" Chanyeol asks, forgetting about his former mood.

"Yeah" laughs Minseok. "Didn't he tell you?"

Chanyeol shakes his head. Suddenly, he feels the loss of two years very distinctly and it makes him feel... odd. But here is Minseok and though this hyung isn't like Junmyeon, Chanyeol feels the comfort radiating off of Minseok.

"Hyung..." Chanyeol begins. "Do you think I'll ever be... normal?"

Minseok looks up at Chanyeol. Minseok is a smaller person as well as a smaller wolf and standing so close to Minseok, Chanyeol feels the difference in height. So does, perhaps, Minseok, who pulls him down to sit on the floor of the practice room.

Chanyeol gulps as Minseok leans in, a hand smaller than Chanyeol's own patting him on the knee.

"Chanyeol-ah, you are normal."

"..." 

"You are" Minseok insists. "You just forgot a few things, that's all. And in a few months, you'll be reminded of them. And you'll be the kind, happy virus that you always were."

Chanyeol looks at Minseok, who's smiling encouragingly. And Minseok's smile is so warm and Chanyeol feels so distanced and so isolated right now that he unknowingly leans into it. He draws in a breath and builds something up in his chest, like he's about to say something...anything. But Chanyeol doesn't know what he wants to say. All he knows is that he needs Minseok to be close. He needs to smell him close and for some reason, the strong spearmint aura surrounding Chanyeol isn't enough. It isn't right.

And just as this thought confuses him, Jongin walks in the door.

 

 

"Hyung...are you -"

Jongin stops short when he sees Minseok sitting close together with Chanyeol on the ground. Jongin's brows furrow almost instantly and there's displeasure written across Jongin's face.

Chanyeol leans back slowly and looks at Minseok. Minseok is looking at Jongin, who's walking towards them. And for that moment, annoyance pierces Chanyeol's chest. Why is Minseok looking at Jongin? Why isn't Minseok looking at him?

And when Jongin grabs Minseok's wrist to pull him up, Chanyeol leaps up in reaction. Chanyeol catches himself before he starts a tug of war with Minseok as the rope.

"Chanyeol and I were just talking..." Minseok tells Jongin. 

Minseok chuckles, patting Jongin on the hand, because Jongin is still glaring at Chanyeol like he's done something wrong. Righting Jongin's hand in his, Minseok pulls him toward the door.

"Come on, I heard there's chicken in the cafeteria!"

Minseok turns to look at Chanyeol.

"You too, Chanyeol. Let's go! Practice is over."

 

Jongin begrudgingly leaves the practice room with Minseok, leaving Chanyeol behind in an empty room. And though Chanyeol had heard Minseok's call, he's left behind still confused, and with no answer.

 

 

 

 

################  
how do you tell   
someone you love  
them,   
when you really   
truly  
love them?


	4. Chapter 4

He spends the whole weekend and another three days holed up in his room. After the first day of worried visitors, no one bothers him. Chanyeol can hear Baekhyun and Jongdae whisper as they leave the front door.

 

"Maybe he's depressed about the accident?" Baekhyun asks worriedly.

"Just give him some time..." placates Jongdae.

"Will time bring back the old Chanyeol?" Baekhyun muses.

 

Chanyeol doesn't hear the answer, but he wonders too. Would time bring the old him back? Would finding his lost memories make him the happy-go-lucky kid he used to be? It seems easy enough to fall back into the old routine that he remembers, but there will always be this nagging feeling in his heart. Those two years are still lost at the end of the day.

 

After five days and nights of thinking alone, no memories come back to him. In his dreams, the scent of citrus and pine intensify. He catches himself searching for the scent in his waking hours. Unconsciously, he searches the atmosphere for any signs of a similar aroma, but he finds nothing.

Finally, his appointment day with Kyungsoo comes around and the thoughts he had kept from Kyungsoo suddenly start spilling forth.

 

 

"Maybe it's the scent of someone I knew? Maybe it's someone connected to my accident? Did I mention anyone, did you know - ?"

But Chanyeol's ranting is cut short but the clack of Kyungsoo's pen and the sharp tone as Kyungsoo asks, "What did you say the scent was?"

"Mmmm...citrus. Something woodsy. Something sweet, but not like candy. It's familiar I think... but nothing I've known in the memories I haven't lost."

"And... how does the scent make you feel?" Kyungsoo probes. "What thoughts do the dreams leave you with?"

"It hurts" Chanyeol says simply. He rubs his chest over his shirt. "It hurts here."

"..."

"And... it's not like a sharp pain or anything. Sometimes, I don't even think it's real. Like, it's not muscular or skeletal. It doesn't seem like anything wrong with my body, but the pain... that's real. It feels like a deep pang, ringing throughout my chest."

"How come you didn't tell me sooner?" Kyungsoo scolds.

Chanyeol shakes his head. "I don't know. The only things that made me feel better were the dreams and the moonlight."

"The moonlight?" Kyungsoo repeats, raising a brow. "Is that why you're sleep deprived?"

Chanyeol looks up questioningly.

"Minseok told me" Kyungsoo explains. "He said it seemed like you weren't getting any sleep."

At the mention of Minseok, a ghost scent of spearmint reaches Chanyeol's nose, making him smile fondly.

"Yeah. Looking at the moon... it just made me feel like I could finally remember something. But as soon as the sun came up... it went away."

Kyungsoo nods, closing his eyes briefly and massaging his temples.

"I think I know what you mean" Kyungsoo returns. "But it doesn't mean you can skip on sleeping. You're still recovering, mentally and physically. Don't lose sleep over this. Literally. Time will bring your memories back. Maybe not everything, but most of it. Don't lose hope and don't try to hard. It'll stress your body and maybe prolong the process. Remember, your body has to heal to bring back the memories."

 

Chanyeol nods, getting up to leave. Kyungsoo leans back in his seat, as if in deep thought, but looks up when Chanyeol's hand reaches the door knob. 

 

"I almost forgot..." Kyungsoo says as if he's just remembered. "Here's something to cheer you up... your brother's coming to visit next week. He finally can travel now."

 

 

+++

 

Kyungsoo is right. The news of his older brother cheers Chanyeol up immensely. After his accident, Chanyeol had heard from Junmyeon about Kangyeol. He's heard about how Kangyeol had been injured in a pack battle. How Kangyeol was out of commission and unable to travel for a while.

Chanyeol, not being so able bodied himself, hadn't been able to travel to meet Kangyeol after his accident either. And more than that, they now had their own packs. It wasn't a huge deal to not get a visit from a sibling. But still, this visit from his older brother puts Chanyeol in high spirits. He gets excited for what feels like the first time since his accident. 

He's more talkative with Jongdae and Baekhyun. And he smiles all throughout practice, making Minseok comment on how hand to hand combat isn't something to be grinning at. But the comment is teasing and Chanyeol eyes sparkle at the way Minseok himself grins in Chanyeol's direction. He feels that familiar pang in his chest, and yet what fills his nostrils isn't sweet citrus pine. Instead, Chanyeol's filled with spearmint and his grin spreads even wider.

 

 

For some reason, when Chanyeol tells Sehun and Jongin about the visit, it makes the grimace on Jongin's face deeper. Sehun fidgets, going back and forth from looking happy for Chanyeol, to looking worriedly in Jongin's direction.

"What does Minseok hyung say?" Jongin questions.

Sehun elbows Jongin, but Jongin continues staring at Chanyeol, waiting for an answer.

Chanyeol shrugs. "I haven't told Minseok hyung yet."

"Haven't... or couldn't?" Jongin presses.

Chanyeol frowns, confused. "What do you mean by that?"

When Jongin scowls and looks away without answering, Chanyeol turns his questioning gaze to Sehun. Caught in the middle, but unable to stay silent, Sehun smiles weakly. 

"Well, hyung... Kangyeol hyung is Minseok hyung's fiancé after all..."

 

+++

 

 

At first, he just blinks as if the small movements will somehow help him to process. These are words he understands but, together, they formulate a thought that doesn't quite register. The shock pierces Chanyeol deeply and strikes an unsuspected chord. It almost feels like someone's said this to him before. It feels like he's had this feeling before - a sense of deja vu. The feeling doesn't sit well with him. In fact, it makes the inside of his mouth taste badly.

 

Chanyeol doesn't remember how he had left Jongin and Sehun's place. When he comes to, he's standing in front of Kyungsoo's office. He doesn't knock. He just stands there. And in, what's perhaps ten minutes or ten hours (time has escaped him now), the door opens with Kyungsoo dressed like he's on his way home.

Kyungsoo's huge eyes widen at Chanyeol's large frame in the doorway. However, when Kyungsoo sees the look in Chanyeol's eyes, Kyungsoo sighs and opens the door wider - an invitation to come in.

"Come on" Kyungsoo says behind his shoulder. "I was expecting you anyway..."

 

 

 

###############################  
ages, from oldest to youngest:  
kangyeol, yixing  
kyungsoo, minseok, junmyeon  
chanyeol, jongdae, baekhyun  
jongin  
sehun (baby <3)


	5. Chapter 5

The scent of an alpha is very distinct from an omega's. It's easier to ignore for Chanyeol and it doesn't take hold of him like a certain omega's does. When Kangyeol hugs Chanyeol, Chanyeol inhales the fresh scent of linen and cotton. It's fresh, just like Kangyeol's disposition and demeanor. Chanyeol immediately relaxes, forgetting about the thoughts plaguing him for the past few days and nights.

"I've missed you little brother" Kangyeol says in his deep, rich voice.

Though Chanyeol's family has been on the taller side, Kangyeol is even taller than Chanyeol and more sturdily built. Now, from his injury, he sports a noticeable limp that he waves away when Chanyeol frowns and worries about it.

"It's nothing" Kangyeol says. "Something that I'll get over with time."

At the airport terminal, Chanyeol can't help but notice that Kangyeol looks around, as if expecting someone else to be with Chanyeol.

"Are you looking for...?"

"Minseok? No, he told me he was busy with training. I was just ... hoping is all."

Kangyeol smiles bashfully and again, the pang spreads throughout Chanyeol's chest. He remembers Minseok's spearmint scent and matches it with Kangyeol's own refreshing scent. In Chanyeol's mind, they are perfect mixture and when he acknowledges this, a green monster curls up from the bottom of his belly. He shakes his head of jealous thoughts and focuses on feeling the joy of his older brother's visit.

 

 

+++

 

 

Junmyeon and Kyungsoo welcome Kangyeol joyfully when they reach the pack's base. Junmyeon's already asking for battle stories and Kyungsoo asks about the healer who works at Kangyeol's pack. 

"Battle stories later, when I've rested and kissed Minseok" Kangyeol laughs. "And Kyungsoo, Yixing is doing fine. He asks about you all the time but you two are so busy so there's much to tell."

In the crowd that gathers to see the visitor, Kangyeol spots Minseok right away. The tall, uniformed man parts the crowd and bends down to hug the smaller Minseok. Kangyeol's inhalation is audible to all, as he breathes in Minseok's neck.

"I missed you" Kangyeol says heavily. "So, so much."

Minseok blushes at the emotional sentiment shown in front of all the people, but Kangyeol doesn't seem to notice anyone else at all. Chanyeol remains frozen, still standing next to Kangyeol's bags. He feels like his whole body can no longer move and the scene in front of him seems like one from an old romantic movie - something he cannot touch or be apart of. 

It's Baekhyun who unfreezes Chanyeol from what feels like never ending moment. Baekhyun claps a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder and whispers into his ear.

"So that's your famous brother, huh?" Baekhyun asks.

"I heard he's a hero over in his pack" adds Jongdae, joining them in a huddle.

"Are you ever going to introduce us?" Baekhyun whines, as others come in to welcome Kangyeol.

"...Of course" Chanyeol says, trying to smile and wondering if his face looks normal. "Of course, I will. You're my best friends and... he's my older brother after all."

 

 

+++

 

Chanyeol tries again not to show the shock on his face when Kangyeol naturally follows Minseok back to Minseok's sleeping quarters. Of course it's not uncommon since they are to be mated, but it still throws Chanyeol off. Just how many things were missing from his memory? And why hadn't anyone told him this important fact?

The next day, Chanyeol waits to catch Minseok's eye, but it seem like Minseok does his best to avoid Chanyeol. After Jongdae and Baekhyun are introduced to Kangyeol, they all but hero worship him throughout meal time, asking for more stories of his adventures. All the while, Minseok watches them indulgently. Next to Minseok, Jongin watches Minseok nervously. The stoic, scowling Jongin is gone, but in his place, there's a Jongin that clucks around Minseok like a mother hen.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol sits with Sehun, who prattles on about how Minseok is taking time off leading the training, how Sehun himself wishes he could take a sabbatical. But in the middle of his gossip, Sehun notices Chanyeol glancing in Kangyeol's direction.

"Ah, everyone's monopolizing Kangyeol hyung's time, huh? You should take an afternoon to spend with your older brother" Sehun says, mistaking Chanyeol's glances for brotherly jealousy.

Chanyeol sighs. His dreams were getting more life-like and even now, he can smell citrus. He glances at Sehun, who pokes at his half eaten food.

"Sehun-ah, did I ever... when I was..." Chanyeol finds it hard to complete his question.

Sehun puts down his chopsticks and his eyes turn serious.

"What is it hyung?"

Chanyeol takes a deep breath.

"Before I lost my memory, how ... how was I?" Chanyeol finally asks.

It's a simple question, but one everyone has expertly sidestepped. And the complexity of the question shows on Sehun's furrowed brows. Sehun picks up his chopsticks again, poking at the mixed greens on his plate.

"Well, you were... I don't know... You're happier now" Sehun says.

"Happier?"

"Before the accident, you were ... depressed all the time. It didn't seem like you were sleeping at all. You wouldn't talk to me... you wouldn't talk to anyone. And right before the accident, it seemed like you were planning on visiting Kangyeol hyung, but then..."

Sehun's voice tapers off and he stares out the window. 

But Chanyeol's more confused than ever. A forming theory of his had been that his accident had something to do with the citrus scent of his dreams. But the way Sehun was talking, it seemed like depression had driven him to do stupid things. What had depressed him so? According to Minseok hyung, he had been the happy go lucky boy he'd remembered from his childhood.

"Did... did I ever mention anyone? Was I seeing anyone?" Chanyeol asks, frustrated.

Sehun looks surprised. 

"Seeing someone?"

Chanyeol nods, leaning in. But Sehun shakes his head firmly.

"No, you never mentioned anyone. In fact, Junmyeon had been pestering you to venture out and find a mate before you ... turned into a hermit."

Chanyeol sighs, cradling his head in his hands.

"Then, who...?" Chanyeol mumbles.

"What is it hyung?" Sehun asks worriedly.

But Chanyeol smiles reassuringly at Sehun, shaking his head.

"Nothing Sehun-ah. Nothing."

 

 

 

################################################  
아무리 말해도 넌 들리지 않아  
no matter how much i tell you, you don't hear  
다시 그에게 온 몸을 던져 왜 넌 위험한 꿈을 꿀까   
again, you throw your whole body to that person  
why do you dream dangerous dreams, i wonder  
(이제 그만 지친) 너의 맘을 쉬게 해   
now let your weary heart rest  
널 바라보는 내 맘도 찢어질 것 같은데  
my heart that's looking toward you,   
feels like it's going to rip too


	6. Chapter 6

Too little sleep turns into no sleep. And sleepless nights lead Chanyeol to take long, nightly walks. These walks lead Chanyeol to meander through the pack's base. Like this, he learns more about the lay of the land than he has during the day time. It's been a while since the full moon has shone without impediment and this night, the moon, not quite half full, shines brightly with no clouds to mute its light. Something about the moonlight takes Chanyeol to an area of personal quarters. There, on the first floor of one of the buildings, something glows. And perhaps it's a trick of the light, but when Chanyeol draws closer, he sees Minseok through a window.

The inside of Minseok's living room is just like Minseok's personality - clean and pure. Every book is in its proper place in the shelf. Lining the top of the mantle piece, there is a small collection of vintage looking cameras and coffee mugs. The couch is immaculate with all the cushions in place. 

But it's past midnight and early riser Minseok should be asleep, but he's standing in front of the window, staring down at a book in his hand. Though he's forgotten two years of his life, Chanyeol is almost sure that he's never seen Minseok cry. Minseok isn't just that type of person. But here, in this night, there are tears moistening Minseok's cheeks. 

Chanyeol angrily wonders where Kangyeol is. Why isn't his brother comforting Minseok? But all Chanyeol can do is freeze in place, staring at Minseok through the window under the glow of the moonlight. Again, something tugs inside of him - a memory, begging to be remembered. It's not quite deja vu, because something isn't right. This shouldn't be a sad scene. Someone should be standing behind Minseok, hugging him from behind and laughing at the pictures in the photobook. Because that's what it is in Minseok's hand - a photobook. And this realization makes Chanyeol's heart beat faster. Was this how his memory was returning?

But at that moment, Minseok looks up. And though Chanyeol can't tell if Minseok sees him, Chanyeol ducks behind a car, grabbing his chest as the last thing he sees is a tear sliding down Minseok's cheek.

 

+++

 

The next night, it's the same thing. The pattern repeats without Chanyeol himself knowing why the moonlight draws him to Minseok. Pretty soon, his dreams merge with his reality and sometimes, he thinks that the citrus scent from his dreams is coming from Minseok. But that can't be right. Chanyeol knows from experience that Minseok's scent is spearmint.

The only thing he knows for sure is that Minseok cries silently every night, holding that photo album.

 

In the morning, Chanyeol is determined to ask Kangyeol about it. He goes to Junmyeon's office, where Kangyeol has been visiting frequently. But instead, meets Kyungsoo. Chanyeol catches Kyungsoo coming out of Junmyeon's office. As the door closes behind Kyungsoo, he sees Kangyeol and Junmyeon in discussion. When given a questioning glance, Kyungsoo shrugs.

"They're discussing private matters concerning the pack. Better not to disturb them."

Chanyeol nods. He knows that Kangyeol's been helping Junmyeon with some things about the pack. So instead, Chanyeol follows Kyungsoo back into the medical ward for some coffee.

"How have things been lately?" Kyungsoo asks. "It's been two weeks since our last meeting."

But as they're walking Chanyeol smells an intense burnt caramel scent coming from Kyungsoo. Chanyeol crinkles his nose.

"Did something blow up in the cafeteria?"

"Oh..." Kyungsoo is uncharacteristically flustered, sniffing at his collar. "Yeah, just an accident with some desserts..."

"..."

But there's something odd with the scent. It's almost as if the smell is permeating from Kyungsoo's own being. But that can't be right, Kyungsoo was a beta. And by all logic, Chanyeol shouldn't be able to smell him, at least not this strongly. He's about to say as much when Kyungsoo reaches his office door.

"Ah, here we are..." Kyungsoo says, rushing him in.

They finally reach Kyungsoo's office and Chanyeol sits while Kyungsoo changes his coat and starts the coffee pot.

"So... things alright with you?"

Chanyeol nods absentmindedly, fingering the empty mug in front of him.

"Looks like you've not been getting any sleep" Kyungsoo observes.

"Well..." Chanyeol looks away. "The dreams won't stop, you see."

Kyungsoo hums, signaling Chanyeol that he's listening. The coffee pot beeps completion and Chanyeol watches silently as Kyungsoo pours the black fluid into their mugs and push the condiments in front of him.

Kyungsoo glances at him sideways before saying, "Do you need some sleeping pills? Because I can..."

"No" Chanyeol says firmly, cutting off Kyungsoo's sentence.

He didn't anything else to muddle his memory or his judgement.

"I take walks now... it ... helps me sleep" Chanyeol lies.

Kyungsoo still looks worried but moves the topic of conversation to how well Jongdae's doing in his research lab. Chanyeol only half listens as his thoughts wander to Minseok again. He hasn't been able to see Minseok during training anymore. He wonders what Minseok is doing on his days off.

"Chanyeol-ah?" Kyungsoo says suddenly. "Are you listening to me? Chanyeol-ah."

Chanyeol's brought back to reality by Kyungsoo waving a hand in front of his face. Chanyeol's eyes widen and he smiles apologetically.

"Sorry I was thinking about ... something."

Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow teasingly.

"Are you sure you're not thinking of a certain someone?"

Chanyeol flinches, but composes his face.

"What makes you say that?" Chanyeol says coolly, thinking of a small white face with chipmunk teeth.

"Sehun tells me that Mahee from the Art Department has been visiting you at training every day. She's a little young for you, but she's a good girl. Maybe you could hurry things along and we'll see a double wedding for the Park brothers, eh?"

Chanyeol frowns. He doesn't remember a girl named Mahee, but he vaguely recalls a face staring at him during practices. He sighs, but doesn't correct Kyungsoo as he continues speaking.

"You know, thinking of a person all day and sighing at the thought of them... all signs of infatuation" Kyungsoo chuckles. "You're growing up fast, Park Chanyeol."

 

Chanyeol blushes then, all the way from his upper chest to his forehead, lighting up his ears on the way. But it's not Mahee that makes his cheeks scarlet; it's the thought of a certain other person that does it.

 

+++

 

 

Revelation of his crush temporarily makes Chanyeol forget about his dreams. He finds himself missing the smell of Minseok's spearmint even more than his curiosity about the mysterious scent of his dreams.

That night, he doesn't take a walk. He feels too guilty about the fact that he's fallen in love with his brother's fiance.

Instead, it's Kangyeol that visits him the next day.

"I'm sorry I haven't been spending too much time with you, little brother" Kangyeol says, rubbing the back of his head as if embarrassed.

And Kangyeol's apologetic look drives Chanyeol's guilt even stronger.

"It's okay. I know you're busy with helping out Junmyeon hyung. I'm doing fine."

Kangyeol nods, but Chanyeol can tell he still has things he wants to say. His brother gets up from his seat in Chanyeol's room. He nods his head toward the door.

"Want to take a walk?"

 

 

They go to a familiar path leading to the woods. It's the woods that they used to play in as children. It's not an official trail, but it's a well worn path made by wolf treads. As they hike, Chanyeol notices the notable limp in Kangyeol's step. The injury suddenly reminds Chanyeol of his own accident.

All Kyungsoo had told him was that he had fallen from the cliff at the highest point of the mountain that was at the edge of their base. It was the mountain that this trail eventually led to. Chanyeol wonders if Kangyeol knows about it.

"Hyung..." Chanyeol finally opens his mouth. "Do you know how I..."

"...How you fell?"

"Yeah."

Kangyeol is silent for a few steps before shaking his head.

"No, I only heard that you had fallen from the summit. I'm sorry... I ... know you were dealing with things but I was too."

"Oh..." Chanyeol deflates.

"But I did hear that you were in bad shape before the accident. You were depressed. Everyone knew it. But one thing that no one knew was why."

"Does there have to be a reason?" Chanyeol muses aloud.

Kangyeol sighs, making a sound in the back of his throat as he does when he's about to formulate a difficult idea.

"It's not that there has to be a reason, Chanyeol. But you were so happy one day, and then... like a switch, you started to grow dark. You lost your smile. And you wouldn't talk to anyone about it. Of course, I understood completely how you felt in that aspect because... well, I mean I've been there before too."

Of course, Chanyeol doesn't remember. It doesn't sound like him, yet with the feelings swirling in his head right now, he doesn't think it's impossible.

"I know you can't remember why" Kangyeol continues. "But I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"It's not your fault, hyung."

But Kangyeol holds up a hand, shaking his head.

"No, I'm sorry. I wanted to be there for you but... I couldn't. I just..."

His brother's voice trails off and Chanyeol turns away before he sees the tears slide down Kangyeol's face.

 

 

For a while, they climb silently. Chanyeol looks only at the path and his brother's unsteady feet instead of Kangyeol's sad looking back.

Finally, they reach a vantage point, where the trees clear and the path turns into a corner. From this point, they can see the whole base, not too far below them. The air seems crisper and both Chanyeol and his brother stop to take a deep breath.

The atmosphere between them is depressing and, feeling it is his duty to lift spirits, Kangyeol brightens his tone as he starts to speak again.

"Kyungsoo tells me you have an admirer."

His brother's efforts are appreciated, but it's a subject that Chanyeol doesn't really want to discuss. 

"Mahee was it? Kyungsoo tells me she's a good, kind girl. You should give her a chance. You're at that age, aren't you?"

Chanyeol looks away, smiling awkwardly.

"What's the matter?" Kangyeol asks, when Chanyeol is silent. "Does your scent not draw you in? Are you two not compatible?"

Chanyeol frowns slightly. He's never liked the idea of scents and statuses indicating compatibility, but it's something he's never talked about aloud.

"Sometimes, you sense someone and fall in love, but I... I think sometimes... you just love the person regardless of their status, regardless of their scent" Chanyeol says softly.

He's scared to look Kangyeol in the eye because Chanyeol knows it'll be a radical idea to his brother. Kangyeol is silent for what seems like forever, but soon, Chanyeol hears Kangyeol's gentle chuckle.

Chanyeol looks up.

"No, no" Kangyeol says, waving his hand. "I'm not laughing at you. It's just that... it's an interesting take on things."

"An interesting take?"

Kangyeol nods. 

"You see someone else I know said the exact same thing. Well...you actually sound like me when I was younger and..."

Kangyeol trails off and the mirth on his face dissolves into something sad.

"Hyung?"

"It's nothing, Chanyeol-ah" his brother says, shaking his head. "Let's start heading back."

The way back down is a bit quieter. Both of them are immersed in their thoughts. But before they turn back Kangyeol says one thing that stays with Chanyeol.

 

 

"You don't still believe in the Elders' story do you?" Kangyeol teases. "That you can find your mate by the glow they emit instead of their scent? The glow only seen by soulmates?"

But Chanyeol thinks about the moonlight and how it had led him to Minseok every night.

"Maybe I do" Chanyeol whispers softly, but Kangyeol doesn't hear.

 

 

 

#########################################################################  
닿을 수가 없는 함께 할 수 없는 곳   
a place i cannot reach you, a place we cannot be together  
밤이 되면 날아 온 그건 네가 아니야  
the person who appears at night isn't you  
이뤄질 수 없는 (눈물 흘러) 슬픈 나의 Story (나의 story)  
my tearful, sad story that cannot be   
가까워질수록 더 아파질 테니 (I swear I cannot stop loving)  
the closer you get, the more painful it is (I swear I cannot stop loving)  
이 사랑만은... Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah (tonight)  
Just this love .... stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah  
이 사랑만은... Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah (tonight)  
Only just this love ... Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah  
이렇게 내가 널 애타게 불러  
Just like this, I call you desperately  
멀어지지 마, babe, 그 날개가 젖으니  
don't get farther, babe, because those wings will get wet.


	7. chapter 6.5 (Jongin)

There aren't many things that Jongin thinks unfair in life. But when Jongin sees Park Chanyeol, he can't help but be a little bitter.

As a child, Jongin had always been chasing after Minseok's back. Kim Minseok was the hyung next door, whose news was on the lips of every mother.

"Oh I heard the Kim's boy is top of his class again."

"I heard he mastered level 10 of martial arts training a year early!"

"That Kim boy is so nice. He always helps me carry the groceries."

"You know I saw him taking a walk with that camera of his... even his hobbies are so upright."

 

And it wasn't the fact that Minseok was a wonder boy that Jongin was jealous of. It was the fact that Jongin would never be able to catch up and stand on equal ground, looking into Minseok's eyes and smile...something that Park Chanyeol somehow achieves.

When Minseok had moved overseas for college, Jongin felt that he would never see the hyung he had put on a pedestal, again. But then, like magic, Minseok had turned up at the EXO Pack, looking the same as ever. The only thing that had changed was that Jongin was now a fully developed alpha. 

 

Jongin still remembers when he first took in Minseok's scent. It was a heady, all-enveloping scent that made their welcoming embrace feel like eons of time and nanoseconds at the same time - too long, but too short. And for that time, Minseok and he were the only ones there.

But then Minseok had broken away to introduce the two other new pack members he had traveled with. And at Junmyeon's prying question, Minseok had admitted he had an alpha to whom he was engaged.

At the news, Jongin found it hard to keep his face straight. Every part of his body had stiffened and his blood and turned cold. Everyone else had been so engrossed in the new recruits that Sehun was the only one who asked Jongin what was wrong.

And now...as Jongin meets eyes with Chanyeol, his heart feels shattered to pieces all over again. His head feels empty and all the muscles in his chest have constricted so painfully that Jongin can't breathe. But there's nothing he can do. Jongin stands rooted in place as Chanyeol kisses Minseok, wrapping his long limbs around Minseok's smaller one. He watches masochistically when Minseok tip toes into the kiss, pressing into Chanyeol's chest.

 

+++

 

The next day comes as a harsh veil of light. Jongin doesn't sleep that night and when he sees Chanyeol again, he can't help but grimace. He refuses Chanyeol's requests of speaking in private. But when Chanyeol corners him after training, Jongin can't refuse.

"It's not Minseok hyung... it's me" is the first thing Chanyeol says. "I'm the one who fell in love with him. Minseok hyung isn't... I mean, he's not..."

But Jongin can read the faint pink glow on Chanyeol's cheeks.

"I can tell Minseok hyung likes you too" Jongin admits flatly. 

He can't bring himself to say the word 'love'. But even so, Chanyeol's blush grows deeper and Jongin has to look away.

"He's engaged Chanyeol hyung" Jongin hisses. "You know this and yet..."

"But they're not even compatible! Minseok hyung told me. He doesn't feel a pull from his financee's scent and neither does his finacee!"

"Hyung!" Jongin shouts to stop Chanyeol's rant.

"Did Minseok hyung say he's going to break it off?"

"..." Chanyeol looks at his feet.

"Did Minseok hyung say he could be your mate?!"

"..." Chanyeol lets out an audible sigh.

"No matter how much you love him, there are things that can happen and things that can't! You have to know when to step back! You have to know when your love for Minseok hyung can't do anything... when it can't go any further..."

 

Jongin sees the tears before he hears them. There are large wet spots on the ground near Chanyeol's feet, but then again, there are the same spots near Jongin's own feet. He doesn't know whether he's screaming at Chanyeol or himself. And in his frustration, he storms out of the locker room, furiously wiping the tears from blocking his vision.

 

+++

 

Sehun and Jongin have been sharing a room long enough for Sehun not to ask in depth. It doesn't stop Sehun from worrying and his fretting bothers Jongin enough for him to go on long walks when he cannot fall asleep. His mind wanders and so does his feet, but somehow he always ends up in front of Minseok's sleeping quarters. 

There's a large window revealing the inside of Minseok's living room and sometimes, at night, he sees Minseok and Chanyeol curled up on the couch, going through photo after photo of their time together. Jongin doesn't know why he does this to himself. Perhaps it's the burden of knowing about Minseok's affair. Perhaps it's the remnants of his nearly life long crush. Whatever it is, it doesn't stop the pain that sears from the remaining embers of his one sided love for Minseok.

He walks home every night with the growing pain in his chest. And one night, Jongin decides it needs to stop. Whether it's his sense of justice or the fact that he'll never really be over Minseok hyung, he decides that it's this night.

That tonight, it needs to stop.

 

 

 

#########################################################################  
넌 쏟아지는 달빛에 샤워  
you're the shower of the falling moonlight  
그 황홀한 표정은 본 적이 없어  
I've never seen that rapt expression  
그림처럼 멈춘 네가 보여  
I see you who has stood still like a drawing  
그 시선 끝엔  
and at the end of that sight...


	8. chapter 7

**pg** | chanyeol / xiumin ;  & other members  
 _abo au_  
summary: chanyeol loses his memory but he's working hard at getting his life back. he's almost there and yet... he feels like something is missing.

 

They walk back to the living quarters. Though their pack's base is more like an army base, the living quarters mimic a neighborhood of apartments. The walk back is silent and Chanyeol stops in front of Minseok's unit to drop Kangyeol off.

"You can make it back by yourself?" asks Kangyeol.

Chanyeol can see the capillaries in his older brother's eyes. He's been working hard and he looks tired.

"Of course" Chanyeol says with a somewhat forced smile. "I'm not a baby, you know."

Kangyeol smiles weakly and turns to enter the unit. Chanyeol watches as Kangyeol disappears behind the door. And yet...thinking that Minseok is also behind the door, Chanyeol can't bring himself to leave right away.

 

He stands there, staring at the door and trying to imagine what it would be like to enter as Kangyeol. And it's just when Chanyeol decides to go that he hears the shouting.

Chanyeol hears Minseok's voice first.

"You didn't go?! What were you doing instead?"

Minseok's voice takes on a high pitched strain that hurts Chanyeol's heart to hear. His older brother's voice comes next, trying to be soothing and logical. Still, Chanyeol hears the weariness in Kangyeol's voice.

"I took a hike instead. It's okay. It's just like physical therapy. What matters is..."

"What _matters_ is that you listen to the doctor. You can't get better by doing what you want, Kangyeol!"

Physical therapy? Chanyeol frowns. What were they talking about? Why was their taking a hike such a big deal?

"Look, Minseok-ah..."

"I can't _believe_ you went on a hike. Do you know what can happen if you push yourself too hard?! That's what physical therapy is for, Kangyeol! You're not like before and you're not superman! You can't just do things you want like you did when you had both of your legs!"

Something cold envelopes Chanyeol as he hears Minseok's shrill voice. He doesn't know exactly what's going on and he knows it's rude to eavesdrop. However, Chanyeol is missing something - something important. His feet won't move and his heart seems to have stopped beating. His ears roar with the silence from inside Minseok's unit and all he can hear is his own breathing. After a pause, Kangyeol's reasoning voice comes again.

"Minseok-ah, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for making you worry. We have all the time in the world now. I'm joining this pack, remember? I'm not going back. I have all the time in the world to get better...and I'm going to get better with you by my side."

Minseok starts to sob and Chanyeol can hear this clearly. He listens to Kangyeol's soft murmurings to soothe Minseok and soon, Minseok's sobs subside. He doesn't know how he does it, but after a while, he finds himself back at his own quarters. 

Chanyeol feels empty and his small room seems too expansive for him at the moment. His older brother had lost a leg... how? And what was this about Kangyeol not returning to his old pack? So many things confuse Chanyeol and without changing, without washing up, Chanyeol crawls under his sheets.

He closes his eyes, but all he can think of is Minseok sobbing and Kangyeol being the one there to comfort him.

 

++++

 

It's hard to come out of his room the next day. All Chanyeol can think about is how useless he is as a brother. 

'What had _he_ been doing while Kangyeol was fighting and sacrificing his whole body?'

The feeling of guilt consumes him and getting out of bed becomes the hardest physical thing to do. Chanyeol _knows_ he's being a coward, that he's just holing himself in his room again. But this is more than he can handle at once. 

Chanyeol can't bear to open the windows, even at night, for he's fearful that he might caught a glimpse of the moon.

After a few days of avoiding all forms of contact, Kyungsoo comes to visit him.

 

 

"What's wrong, Chanyeol-ah?" Kyungsoo asks gingerly, surveying the mess of Chanyeol's room.

The stagnant air in Chanyeol's room isn't a good medium, but Chanyeol can still smell the burnt caramel scent coming off of Kyungsoo. It _should_ pique his interest and curiosity, but he's too overwhelmed with depression and with something else - the only thing that Chanyeol wants to know right now, is why he went to the cliff and why he fell off.

It seems that everything... every bad thing that's going on in his life right now comes down to one event... the fall, the cliff, that night. Chanyeol looks straight into Kyungsoo's eyes.

"Do you know, hyung?"

Kyungsoo remains silent, watching the intense, driven look in Chanyeol's eyes. Kyungsoo is reminded how everyone tip-toes around the subject, how no one wants to admit that Park Chanyeol had possibly committed suicide.

When the silence persists, Chanyeol takes it as an affirmative.

"Tell me, hyung" Chanyeol pleads.

And with a sigh, Kyungsoo opens his mouth.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't mean to make  
> minseok sound like a  
> hysterical nagging s.o.  
> OTL i'm so sorry, minseok.


End file.
